Breaking Chains: Taking Charge of Our Lives!
- Written by: Neisha D. Feliciano
- Oct 11, 2017
- 5 min read
How often do we fall victim to our environment and circumstances?
Having a set belief in our mind of who we are, or better yet let me rephrase that … who we think we ought to be, more often than not, leave us feeling disappointed in ourselves.
Look over your life, where you are now, and if you do not feel complete or satisfied, chances are that you have been chained to a way of life or belief that is not your own. This is such a broad topic that I’m sure I will revisit more than once.
Today however, I want to focus on how easy it is to form a chain of disappointment and resentment. Let’s strive to break these chains.
How some chains are formed
Children being raised in broken homes
A lot of parents (guardians in general) are struggling to maintain families financially
Some horrible person hurt you and wounded your heart, crushed your dreams and made you bitter….
Lists like these can go on forever. The influence that these situations have on our self image and how we approach life in general have been overlooked immensely.
Just as a toddler learned to walk and talk by mirroring the adults around them, is the same way a young adults will learn how to place value on their life and personal purpose.
Pause though! Please don’t get me wrong I’m in no way pointing any fingers, I’m just saying that influence is a thing!!!
With that being said, the problem persists when as adults we choose to keep that mind set. A lot of adults (by age) are strolling through life as children (mentally). They haven’t stood their ground to say that these were the conditions presented to us, but it does not define who we are in the present moment.
For example, you could have been abandoned as a child, say your guardian was a prostitute, a meth addict, an alcoholic, workaholic, etc. it doesn’t have to make you bitter and unfair to you today.
Their life choices do not define who you are. When we become of legal age to make our own choices is when we have the power to change the cycle and break those chains!
Realizing and Taking Charge
As an adult I experienced various situations that could have been easily avoided had I took responsibility for my own life and actions sooner.
One thing that never wavered in me was the drive to get things done and prove my doubters wrong, this habit did not come easily; I literally trained myself to be a hardball and not bend. It required me to push myself to limits I really didn’t believe I could push myself to.
I noticed that unfortunately, more times than not you will have to travel that road of self discovery alone. I was able to better understand my agony and put a stop to my own denial. You to can reach this level of acceptance and better yourself.
Do not stay in that place of self pity and resentment.
All it does is make us feel depressed, full of regret, guilt, and it’s just not productive at all.
Let’s be real, the guilty feeling of a day wasted isn’t cool, pouting around hoping to hurt someone else and getting absolutely nothing out of it. Stop placing blame and take a good look in the mirror. The person staring back at you is in full control. Begin to fight back against the restraints and become productive. Get up, get out, and get moving.
Change does not happen overnight and it just isn’t realistic to try to change what is your current reality in a very short time. You are not alone though, there are so many people that feel this same way due to things they have been through and what others did to them or made them feel.
That state of blame will only hold you back from your own greatness. The sooner we can realize this, the sooner we can begin to change for the better and break the chain of disappointment and resentment.
Live your life the way you feel, not the way some situation made you feel you’re supposed to live!! I hope I’m getting my point across here because it hits so close to home for me.
A Bitter to Better Technique
Make a list of all the people that you feel let you down in some way or hurt you
Take note of what it is they bring to your life now in this present moment
If the situation has changed for the better then practice forgiveness for the past hurt, if bad situations persists then you must begin to create distance between yourself and these people. You cannot continue to do the same things, and keep the same people around you if you wish to break chains that bind you (make sure to visit an upcoming post To Keep or Not to Keep that speaks on this topic in more detail).
3. Make a list of things that make you happy (this list should be true to self), without referring to beliefs or any structure forced on you.
For example; the girl who loves Rock and Roll hides her passion for Hard Metal because she was raised by a Christian mother and forced to listen to Gospel in her home. Or even the Lawyer who would’ve rather been an artist but was told growing up that artists don’t make money and ended up in a profession they hate and despise.
Forget any implications made on your life when you make this list, only you will see it. Everyday wake up look at the list and do begin to pursue at least one thing you love. This will help start to build your self-esteem and sense of self in general, no matter how small a step you take forward.
4. Affirmations!!! I cannot stress this enough. Affirmations are so essential. Tell yourself everyday that you are unique and worth it. Speak to yourself and remind yourself or your wants and needs.
For example, I wake up every day and while I shower I tell myself “Today is my day to conquer. I am worth everything this world has to offer. I deserve happiness. I am a writer, a published author, a great mother, etc”
The point of this exercise is to lift your spirits and remind yourself of who you are and where you’re going.
Side Note: No I haven’t published my book yet but you bet I will!!! I say that to say that it doesn’t matter if the affirmations you speak have not happened yet, saying them and believing them will help you reach them. Soon you will begin to make the moves to acquire them.
Until Next Time
Just like any other habit, in order to start on the path of it becoming a default action, we must practice and do it constantly.
Believe in yourself and break the chains of comfort, embrace change and decide wholeheartedly to become better than the circumstances that surround you.
I eventually broke free and now have a College Degree I’m proud of, a job that I’m content with, and a passion for writing that I am pursuing wholeheartedly. I’m still growing and learning how to break the chains that remain in my own life.
UNTIL NEXT TIME I hope we all set aside time to reflect and begin to make these lists of changes. Break the chains that hold you back from reaching your highest potential. Use that which has made you feel bitter to become better. Thanks for stopping by.
Disclaimer: Please consult with a licensed health care practitioner if you are dealing with a serious condition, disease, or illness. The information on this blog is for personal developmental and educational purposes. The decision to use, or not to use, any of this information is the sole responsibility of the reader.
Commentaires