To Keep or Not To Keep: Relationships
- Written by: Neisha D. Feliciano
- Oct 15, 2017
- 6 min read
Hello! and many blessings my fellow Bitter to Better Blog Readers... This is definitely a touchy entry for me.
Today I wish to discuss the importance of relationships and who we should keep around ...or not.
The company you keep is so crucial.
There’s a saying that goes “Me dices con quien andas, y te dire quien eres.”(I’m 100% sure I spelled that absolutely wrong, but eeh whatever) My mom use to tell it to me all the time growing up.
Translation: Tell me who you hang with and I’ll tell you who you are.
Some Signs of Bad Company
When you feel uncomfortable with the activities that your friends chose to do, chances are you’re with the wrong crowd
If you feel obligated to participate in doing something you wouldn’t normally do, then you are experiencing peer pressure
When sharing good news about yourself and you notice they hesitate in congratulating you or their expression is of no interest, they don’t really care for your progress
You’re romantically involved and speak about plans for the future but your partner doesn’t add to the planning, they’re probably not planning a future with you in it
If a person always finds a negative thing to say about other people or is always gossiping, chances are they gossip about you behind your back too
Friends, family, or a significant other who make you feel some type of guilt for their short comings and don’t take personal responsibility for anything will only hold you back from greatness.
Are you feeling that the relationship is one sided? you always call, always pay, always find the positive side for their problems and it’s not reciprocated, you’re channeling energy that is not your own
Your gut tells you something isn’t right about a person you’re probably right. Follow your INSTINCT!
Guilt and Obligation is a HOAX
Too often we remain in relationships that should’ve been over a long time ago. There are a lot of reasons for this, mostly feelings of obligation or guilt of some sort. We are riding along and soon enough forget our own needs and wants, catering to others.
Couples
This should be a two way street!!!
It’s 2017 and most households uphold the 50/50 standard which is fine, but if the relationship is unhealthy then breaking up doesn’t sound like a bad idea.
The fear of starting from scratch shouldn’t scare you (unless you are legally married, own a home, several cars, a jet, yacht and have 5 children together. OK I went a bit overboard ☺ but that’s when a little fear kicks in, if you’re not there yet then RUN at the sign of an unhealthy lifestyle)
I’m not talking like a small common dispute about the empty milk carton in the fridge and blah blah blah. I’m talking about verbal, physical, and mental abuse that couples endure just because for example, things like “I need his/her half on the rent.”
That’s what relationships are starting to boil down to. Is it really worth your sanity though?
I personally believe that within the first year as a couple we know who the keeper is and who isn’t. Let’s avoid building any ties to begin with, to later feel obligated to stick around.
The signs are there!!
Broken promises, points out your flaws, stops trying to impress you after a while, no passion, etc.
None of us are getting younger (shrugs) but we are getting wiser, let’s put it to use and snag us a good one with wonderful attributes: Supportive, great mannerism, has hobbies, has goals, is compatible with your moral standards, can have good conversation, willing to learn and grow with you, great energy etc.
Friendships
Most friendships begin at childhood, doesn’t mean you have to keep them.
It’s normal and common for friends to grow apart. Some go on to have children and live family lives, others go on to live professional lives, others go on to travel and mingle, etc. to each is own and that’s fine.
It’s the friends that you select to keep that define the type of relationships and experiences you will have. It’s ok to have people say “She/He thinks they’re all that.” At that point it’s probably out of jealousy or their inability to relate to your life changes. Maybe you have picked up a new hobby, or made new friends that are now better aligned with your interests as an adult, or you just rather stay away from activities you’re no longer into.
All of these are signs of growth and if your friends can’t be happy or supportive of it then hey, wake up!!! they’re obviously not your real friends, which will make it easier for you to continue to grow and move on. Always say hello though, it’s rude not to ☺
Family
Now FAMILY is a force to be reckoned with!!!
They hold the power to make you feel the most guilt and stress.
But I’m here to say the hell with them too!
Well not the whole family, just the ones who serve you no good. You know there’s always that one family member who either judges you, compares you, or feels like you owe them something.
For example:
Children become adults and all of a sudden everything that transpires in their life and all the hard times are moms/dads fault (see breaking chains)
The overwhelming mother/father who feel entitled to their offsprngs success
The sister who watched big sis become successful through hard work and dedication and now feels entitled to a monetary loan every time they meet (annoying)
The cousin who always boroughs your clothes and gives you attitude for being confronted about ruining it upon return (petty)
The aunt who always uses the line “Why couldn’t you be more like so, and so?”
Aaaaaand many more scenarios, the point is…
NOOOOOOO!!!!! Stop them…Give them a hard lesson in life and shut the door of your support, time, and energy in their faces.
You don’t owe anybody anything, but yourself.
I’m not saying that people cannot change, I’m just saying it’s just not your job to force them to do so. Just focus on changing you and removing yourself from around negativity.
The people you keep in your life really do affect the way you feel and view yourself.
It’s not easy to just walk away and cast people out but here are a few steps you can practice to start cleaning the slate.
A Bitter to Better Technique
Analyze the relationship and come to a conclusion whether they bring positivity or negativity to your life
Decide wholeheartedly who you wish to keep around on a regular basis
Talk to the people that you feel are negative and explain to them what bothers you and that you want it to stop (don’t sugar coat, be as straight forward as possible)
If the problem persist then ask they do not contact you (you might have to do some blocking and ignoring until they get the point)
Should you have ties to the person that you are now trying to avoid, start planning and taking steps to become independent of them
Take the steps you set forth to free yourself of these individuals and make a commitment to not look back
Find support from others who understand you and the person you wish to be
Put yourself in situations that make you feel happy and distract you from thinking of the negative, especially of people you are accustomed to and are finding hard to get over
Pat yourself on the back for taking charge, and watch your life change without the extra pressure or negativity!
Until Next Time
Just like any other habit, in order to start on the path of it becoming a default action, we must practice and do it constantly.
Meaning, we must get into the habit of being picky and alert about those we choose to keep around. Surround yourself with like minded people and allow your mind, heart and soul to grow. Use that which has made you feel bitter to become better. Thanks for stopping by.
Please leave your comments below. Feel free to share a time when you experienced something in your life that made you bitter but you transformed it to something better.
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