4 Techniques to Practice Detachment: You Owe Yourself
Hello my Fellow Bitter to Better Blog Readers!
Just recently I had to evaluate a relationship and completely transform it in order to detach myself from the expectations I formed from it.
Needless to say, I was disappointed with how the relationship turned out and where it was going.
It's easy to point the finger at others when things aren't going the way we want them to. Regardless of how good your intentions are or how totally awesome your ideas are, there will be times when things just do not work out as anticipated.
We have tendencies to over think and become discouraged, stressed, sad and aloof over circumstances that are beyond our control. Too often we blame ourselves and create a spiral of self pity.
The only solution is to practice detachment.
If we become willing to take a close look at why we allow circumstances beyond our control to impact our thoughts, feelings, and emotions, we will clearly see our attachment to the situation.
In my case, I was clearly attached to the end result that did not happen. The "I" caused my feelings of discontent. The expectations that I held were not met and therefore caused feelings of bitterness and resentment, ultimately hurting myself.
I became attached to a vision of what this relationship would turn out to be, putting pressure on someone else to meet my expectations... How egotistical and selfish is that? Exactly. So in order to move on from it, I had to consciously detach myself.
Steps to Effectively Practice Detachment
1. Begin to monitor your thoughts and analyze whether you are resenting a situation based on your own personal perception or expectations. Chances are that you are attaching your own beliefs and habits on to someone else. You can pray every morning by choice, but you cannot force others to. Make a solid effort to accept other people for how and who they are. With that same token accept yourself and move on from negative self talk or thoughts.
2. Acknowledge what is and move on quickly. This can prove to be very difficult, especially for severely hurtful situations like losing a loved one. It's important to accept what has happened and your inability to change it. Find awareness and peace with what is. In order to do that, the situation acknowledged and then released will be beneficial. A recovering addict first has to acknowledge they have a problem, in order to then detach themselves and practice sobriety. They must detach themselves from the cause and the drug.
"THE ROOT OF SUFFERING IS ATTACHMENT" - BUDDHA
3. Find people to be around who also practice detachment. These individuals will not entertain gossip or negativity. They often say things like "oh well, move on, I'll have better luck next time." The ability to surround yourself with individuals who will help you see the brighter side of life and move on quickly from set backs are golden and should be cherished (but watch not to form any attachment.)
4. Use every night to meditate right before drifting off to sleep. This will not take any time out of your day. When you lay in bed and close your eyes you can either say aloud or think to yourself of all the people and situations that you wish to detach from. Affirm that you are detaching and moving on to a better head space. Affirm that you have no expectations of anyone else in your life but yourself. Forgive others and yourself in that moment. Most importantly, wake up and use the day, it's new, no attachments.
Until Next Time
Just like any other habit, in order to start on the path of it becoming a default action, we must practice and do it constantly.
There are all types of ways to find motivation and I hope this helps or that you continue to search and find a way that works for you. I’m here to reassure you that you are not alone. Many, if not all of us sometimes feel discouraged but with a little push we can stay on track. Believe in yourself.
Thanks for stopping by.
Please leave your opinion and comments below. Feel free to share a time when you experienced something in your life that made you bitter but you transformed it to something better.